THE CRITIC INSIDE

We all carry some wounds from our childhood. In my experience, these tend to show up the most in our closest relationships. The “how” of how we see relationships is created in our family of origin. Our felt sense of how safe/unsafe relationships feel is formed in these earliest experiences of relationship.

Maybe you grew up in a home where your parent was so stressed and burned out that they were often yelling? Your internal system might have developed a very strong inner critic as a result. In some ways this isn’t logical- we develop an inner critic to survive a parental critic? What??? Sometimes our survival strategies don’t seem logical, but they always end up making sense. Often what happens is that we develop our own inner critic to head off or manage external criticism. We all learn to cope with what we live in, and one way to cope is to develop your own inner perfectionist who pushes and criticizes you. It is an effective strategy to avoid the pain of disappointing a parent or other loved one. It is possible that you continue this strategy in your adult relationships.

For example, do you tend to criticize yourself harshly when things don’t go right in your relationships? Do you worry that your needs are “too much” for others? Are you hard on yourself, and when something goes wrong or some-one is upset, your first impulse is to try to figure out what you did wrong? You might still hold yourself to a very high standard, and you worry- worry you are not doing enough for others; that friends and family are angry with you; worry that when a friend or colleague doesn’t call you back, they are angry with you. Worry that even though you are working really hard somehow you might still be letting down the people you love. On some level, you know you are loved, but you worry you just aren’t doing enough. When something goes wrong, you tend to criticize yourself at the cost of being fair to yourself.

If you are really hard on yourself, and you worry, I would love to help you learn some new tools to manage your anxiety, feel better about yourself and your relationships- and to help that inner critic work for you, not against you. Please reach out to us by either calling us at 865-238-5696, or you can schedule a consultation by clicking here.It can get easier.[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]