BECOMING A STEPFAMILY CAN FEEL LIKE DANGEROUS WATERS

As a family therapist and marriage counselor, I often get calls from couples struggling to “blend” their respective children, pets, and households, while also attempting to negotiate a new marriage.

Becoming a stepmother or stepfather is HARD. As a member of a stepfamily myself, I know exactly how hard. My husband is a licensed therapist, and I am a licensed therapist, and let me tell you, we thought we knew what we were doing. I mean, after all, we had counseled families in our exact position. We came prepared- armed with educations, love and what we thought was a thorough understanding of what we were undertaking. Boy, were we wrong.

The first two years were rough. It seemed like every decision was a challenge, and was, on more than one occasion, challenged by the other members of the family. Between getting our kids to different school systems, getting ourselves to work, and getting kids to extracurricular activities, there was not a whole lot of time left for each other.

Blending our families was hard on the kids, and hard on us. Everybody had to make a lot of adjustments. The different cultures and histories of our mini- families were often not in alignment. The needs of my children sometimes clashed with needs of his kids. The needs of our relationship didn’t always align with the family’s needs. It was a lot to figure out.

Everybody had to be VERY flexible, which wasn’t always easy. It was hard to balance all our various emotional and physical needs. We made it through that time. In retrospect, though, help walking through the steps and stages of stepfamilies would have been very helpful.

Do you need some help right now figuring out all the changes your family is negotiating? Here at Mending Hearts & Minds we know how to help you get to the other side of this difficult stage. Give us a call at 865-238-5696 or you can schedule a consultation by clicking here.

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