YOUR FIRST COUPLES COUNSELING SESSION: A GUIDE
You have scheduled your first couples counseling session with one of our providers. We understand that you might be a little nervous about beginning therapy.-that is totally normal. And you might have some questions.
What should I expect? Will the therapist understand me? Will this work for me and my partner? Being prepared for therapy and having an idea of what to expect can help to reduce some of the worries or fears you may have about attending your first couples counseling session.
You will meet together as a couple
When you meet with your therapist for the first time, you will meet with him/her together as a couple (not individually). Generally, most of your sessions will be together, except for a couple of individual sessions. Your therapist will generally meet with you together as a couple 1-2 times and then will schedule individual sessions with each of you. The purpose of these individual sessions is for your therapist to get to know a little more about you as an individual. Your therapist will ask some questions about your background, the family you grew up in, and any important experiences or events that had a significant impact on you. Other than these individual sessions, you can expect that most of your sessions will be together, and that you will be working on the patterns in the relationship that have led to your current distress.
Have An Idea of Your Goals
Make the most of your time in therapy. Gather your thoughts: What specific challenges are you hoping couples therapy will address?. What would success look like?
What do you want to change? If you’re unsure about your therapy goals, your therapist will help you set some. Couples counseling can be growth-oriented. Your beliefs about yourself, your partner, or your relationship may change. As counseling progresses, your goals may shift, and that’s okay. Your therapist will guide you.
What If Our Goals are Different?
In the beginning, it could be that you and your partner’s goals are different. Each of you might have different perspectives on how to move forward. You might be coming to counseling to find hope and healing for the relationship, but your partner might not be so sure that can happen. Different perspectives shared in the first session doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed or that there is no point to continuing couples work. Your therapist can work with you both to gain clarity around how to move forward, and help you develop a plan that meets both of your needs, regardless of outcome.
You Should Feel Understood
One of the main goals of couples counseling is to foster a relationship where both partners are able to reveal their needs and wants to their partner. The path to that includes feeling understood by your therapist. Your therapist should create an environment where it feels safe to reveal your thoughts and feelings. Naturally in the early sessions of counseling, you might feel a little hesitant, and be a little reticent with fully revealing how you feel. You and your therapist should make it a priority, though, to build a safe container for you and your partners to talk through your most distressing issues. Even in the first session, you should feel confident that your therapist will be able to help you achieve your goals.
Fear of Divorce
Some people worry that their couples therapist might encourage or advise them to divorce. People worry that maybe their therapist will throw up their hands in despair that the relationship is hopeless. Your therapist’s job is not to advise you on whether you should divorce. The goal of therapy is healing, and the therapist’s job is work with you to achieve your goals, gain clarity regarding your needs and your partners needs, and help you communicate in ways that make it more likely you will both get what you need.
Clearly there will be a lot of thoughts and feelings that might be on your mind when you try couples counseling for the first time, and that is completely understandable. Building trust with your therapist can take some time, as can healing your relationship. The best preparation for your first few sessions of counseling is to go in with an open mind and be honest.
We are here to help.
Reach out to us today at 865-238-5696 or through our website: www.heartsmindstherapy.com
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